When the Sky Doesn't Fall

I've published about my grief journey before - here, on this quiet and semi-private space, and also in Still Standing Magazine. I've shared a few glimpses on Instagram to mark various anniversaries.

But seeing your words, your pain on published black and white paper is a different matter.

Opening up the most excruciating moments of your life for random strangers to write Amazon reviews is a more vulnerable experience. How exactly might one "Star" my grief journey?

I've been working on this book for four years. I didn't even realize what a weight it was pressing on me. Clicking "Publish" on Easter Sunday was such a release.

After those last anxious weeks, it was done. It was out there. And as it turns out, the sky didn't fall. I wasn't "Unfriended" by everyone I know. I didn't receive hate mail or judgmental comments.

I cried and cried when I received my copy in the mail. Yes, because it's my grief made manifest, but also because it's a beautiful book. I'm proud of it. I did make a little beauty from these ashes. 

My friend, Lissa, said it best, "What good is it if we take our stories to our grave? Better to pour them out as fertilizer. Let our pain feed and restore the people around us and the generations to come." 

And if it only helps one brokenhearted mama feel less alone, then it was worth it.

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